After a few months of feeling completely lost and trying to scramble an emergency plan, I think I’ve finally got it figured out. I finally decided that I am moving home to the UK.
Related Post: How I’m Dealing With Feeling Lost In Life
For months, I could not decide between staying in Dubai or moving back to the UK. It was really a case of choosing whether to follow my heart or head. Staying in Dubai could mean earning some big bucks (not that I have for the past two years). However, my heart was saying to move home.
So I’ve gone with my heart and I’m sticking to the original plan, just minus the boyfriend. Although it isn’t the ‘perfect’ plan that I had before, it does feel right. And to be honest, when is anything ever perfect?
Even though it feels like the right decision, and my gut feeling supports that (when it isn’t preoccupied with my IBS), I’m still feeling nervous about moving home. There are some conflicting feelings that are really worrying me so what better way to work them out than share them with the world?
Am I Even Moving Home?
For two years, I’ve been living in Dubai. Then the three years before that were spent partying/studying in Brighton. I haven’t lived in Milton Keynes for almost five years.
I’m constantly talking about moving ‘home’ but what if Milton Keynes or even the UK doesn’t feel like home anymore?
Whilst I’ve been in Dubai, I’ve felt completely out of the loop with everything in the UK. I’ve tried to keep up to date with Brexit and Love Island but it is really easy to feel disconnected. So I can’t pretend that I’m not scared that the country I grew up it (and secretly) won’t feel like home anymore.
Also, I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed about moving to Milton Keynes. I was meant to be moving back to Brighton when I left Dubai.
Brighton is somewhere that has a big piece of my heart whilst Milton Keynes was somewhere that I was always desperate to escape and never really liked. But I don’t really like living in Dubai either. I can’t have my dream plan – so it feels like trying to vote for the least shitty option.
(Side note: Discovering Sophie Ect. has made me see another side to my hometown that I’m excited to explore!)
Finding Where I Fit
I’ve been away for two years, and a lot can change in that time. Aside from always feeling out of the loop with politics and pop-culture (my two favourite p words), there have been changes in my life.
My best friends went travelling together and have this special bond that I’m not part of. My sister and mum are much closer with each other. There are some friends who I haven’t seen since I left.
So many things have changed. And I haven’t got a right to complain about that. It was my choice to move abroad and I knew that I’d be missing out on things. Whilst you’re living abroad, you can distract yourself from the things you’re missing out on with your own things.
However, making the decision to move home just reminded of all the things I’ve missed. It’s totally me being an insecure, little twat but what if I don’t find my place or slot back into their lives?
As much as I’m ready to move on from Dubai, I know Dubai and where I fit there. Well, I never really felt like I fit in properly whilst living in Dubai. But I’m used to that and it’s that thing of that devil you know.
My worst nightmare is moving home and everyone has moved on without needing me in their lives anymore. Which I know is totally ridiculous. My friends and family are probably reading this and wanting to give me a slap.
But what if? What if my friends think I’ve changed too much? Will I be able to find a job? What if I can’t just slot back into life at home?
Moving In With My Family
Unfortunately I can’t just rock back up to the UK and afford to rent by myself because, contrary to popular belief, not everyone in Dubai earns big bucks.
So I am moving back in with my mum and sister. And like I said, I haven’t lived with them for five years. As much I love them both to pieces (hello, I know you’re both reading this), we don’t always have the best relationships.
My sister and I have a very typical sibling relationship – we bicker, she steals my stuff and we have full on wrestling matches sometimes. The relationship I have with my mum can be a bit tense at times because we have very similar fiery tempers.
In the interest of full honesty, I am so nervous about moving back in with them. I know that living apart has helped our relationship and I don’t want this good relationship we’ve got to be ruined by our usual arguments.
I have my fingers and toes crossed that time apart and age has magically mellowed us both out. And my sister is being an absolute angel by trying to make the transition easier by calling me constantly on FaceTime so we are used to each other again. Is that not the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard? (She’ll hate that I’ve said this because she has a reputation to uphold.)
Am I Hyping This Up Too Much?
I’m not naïve enough to think that all my problems will be magically solved by moving back the UK – although that’d be nice if it did. However, I’m hoping that I’ll be happier for it.
I think that there are a lot of reasons things that will make me happy about moving back home. It will be amazing to have my friends around (if they still like…), to live somewhere that I can do the things I love, find a new job where I can grow and progress.
I do have a lot of expectations about moving home which I think is normal. We always end up expectations about anything.
However, I do think I have to prepare myself that all the expectations might not become reality. I mean, I could move home and end up being miserable. But a shot at some happiness is always worth the risk.
Putting the Worries Aside
These feelings are totally natural. It’s a new step in my life and a big change. It is obvious that feelings of worry and nervousness would arise, especially when I’m the queen of overthinking. I think it’s important to acknowledge these feelings (and share them with everyone).
Underneath all of these silly worries is the feeling of excitement and contentment. My gut says this is the right decision, especially for this time in my life. And sometimes you can’t choose the ‘logical’ decision if it doesn’t feel right for you and your happiness.
Even with all this bollocks about Boris and Brexit, I’m looking forward to moving home. It is time for me to start living my life again rather than just coasting and waiting for something to happen – which it felt like for a lot of the past two years.
I’m excited to go shopping and hang out with my sister. I can’t wait to have my mum back as my horror movie partner. Nothing sounds better than day drinking, Dominos and sleepover with my pals. I can’t wait to throw myself back into music and exploring with daytrips, Glasto and all the gigs. Also, nothing sounds better having a roast dinner and spending time with my Nanna.
Who know what will actually happen when I move home. Sometimes, you’ve just got to take that risk. Nobody really knows what life has in store for them, so let’s take some risks and do what feels right for our happiness.
So I’m going with my gut because what is the worst that could happen?