You know when life decides to take a giant, steaming dump on your plans? Well, that has happened to me recently. And it can really leave you feeling lost in life.
I’m not someone who usually obsesses over life plans or goals. I can usually go with the flow, but I do like to have a rough idea of where my life is heading. And for the next six months, I had this rough set of plans for what I was doing. Mainly, this involved moving back to the UK to live with my boyfriend.
But life, or the aforementioned boyfriend, had other plans.
Single and ready to mingle?
Yep, I’m officially single! I’m not looking for sympathy. I’ve had more than enough, mostly from me because I love to wallow and feel sorry for myself.
It has been, and still is, a bit of a shitty time. The ‘dumping’ (which makes it sound I’m about to be leaving the Love Island villa) came out of the blue. It felt like someone had just jumped out on me and smacked me in the face.
And I am really sad that the relationship is over because I was completely loved up and happy in it. That’s stating the obvious though because who wouldn’t be sad about being dumped.
I can deal with the sadness and shock, well kind of. What I can’t deal with though is how lost I’ve felt since it’s happened. Being dumped has royally screwed up my plans because there is no longer a boyfriend to move in with.
Counting On It
There were a few reasons that I chose to move to Dubai. But the main one was that I couldn’t afford to rent alone in Brighton, my ex (that feels veeeery strange to type) was at uni and I didn’t want to move back to Buckinghamshire, where I’m from originally.
Moving to Dubai was always supposed to be a temporary situation. I was meant to be here for a couple of years whilst he finished university and then we’d move in together in Brighton. That was always my end goal.
Don’t get me wrong, Dubai has been so much more than just a kind of waiting room. I’ve been able to get so much experience in job with things I could have never dreamed of doing. There have been some incredible people that I’ve met and will probably remain lifelong friends. I’ve been able to discover and learn about a different culture and country.
But moving home was always an end goal. No matter how difficult I was finding things, because living abroad isn’t always fun and games, that was always on the horizon. In the past few months, with only four months until it was time to go home, I’d been planning things more – researching rent prices, making plans with my friends, buying some homeware bits for a flat.
Related post: My Thoughts on Living Abroad
I was ready to move in with him and start a new chapter of my life. But life loves to throw us a curveball.
Where Do I Go From This?
So what the bloody hell do I do now? I feel completely upended. Like I’m floating around with nothing to grab onto. I’ve felt like all the strings that were tethering me to the ground have just been snipped and I’m just floating about.
Never have I felt so lost in what I’m doing. I don’t quite know where to go or what to do. I have options. Lots of them, in all honesty. But none of them are what I want because I’d already planned what I wanted.
For the past few weeks, it’s felt like my brain is on overdrive. Trying to scramble together some kind of emergency life plan. Like the scene in Titanic where everyone is scrambling for the lifeboats. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit overdramatic but just let me have it!
I just have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going with my life right now. I am feeling completely and totally lost with my life.
There Is No Rush
And that is fine. I don’t need to have my shit figured out straight away.
Sometimes it feels like there is pressure to have our lives all perfectly mapped out. It has only been a few weeks since this little grenade landed in my lap so why do I need to figure it out right now?
I don’t have to. There isn’t any real pressure on me to figure my stuff out. It’s all my own doing. I have a decent job and somewhere to live. There is time for me explore my choices and come up with that emergency life plan.
For now, it’s just important that I focus on doing things for me and being happy. All of the other stuff can wait for a while. And I’m in a really fortunate position because there are plenty of choices for me to explore eventually.
All In The Same Boat
At some point, every single person ends up feeling this way. This is just part of life though. Things don’t always go to plan. We’ve just got to roll with that somehow.
So if you’re in the same boat as me, then remember you’re not alone. We’ll all trying to muddle through this shit – or life – out together. Everybody has felt completely lost and upended by life. Well maybe not Oprah because she’s a queen.
We have to just try to roll with it all, explore our choices and put our lives back together. But there is never a rush to do this. It’s easy to get fixated over how perfect other people’s live seems (thanks social media!) but try to ignore the pressure. Take your time and don’t feel overwhelmed with it.
Right now, I’m trying to ignore the Titanic-type panic in my head. I’m focusing on what makes me happy by working hard, blogging lots and doing all the things I love. Eventually, I’ll get my shit together and bounce back because I know I have that strength. However there is no rush to have it all figure out now.
And hey, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe, it means I can apply to Love Island and be the first chubby person on there.
Get involved with the conversation and let me know in the comments how you’ve coped when you’ve been left you feeling lost in life?4