A Letter To My Younger Self

Dear 15-year-old Hannah,

Things are starting to get a little bit difficult right? I know.

It’s been about two years since your parents split up. At first, it seemed better. They weren’t fighting as much. You got two lots of birthday presents. Going to your dad’s felt like a fun adventure. Yet things are starting to get hard again. It’s a constant back-and-forth of arguments between them. And you are caught in the middle.

You feel like you’re alone, terrified of everything and rage at the entire world. But mostly, you things feel like they are slipping out of control completely.

Talking to your doctor is horrible. You don’t think the white-haired, middle-class man can understand anything that you’re going through. Have they sent you for family counselling yet? That was a barrel of laughs. Rather than helping, it fragmented your already fraught family even more.

Everything is just spinning. You can’t think straight. The thought of leaving the house petrifies you so much that you tremble and can’t breathe. There is no controlling your emotions or moods. You can go from the black pit of depression where you can’t move to a fire-fuelled rage where you hurt the ones you love. Your future seems empty. There is a part of you that wonders whether you’ll even be alive in a few years time.

But you will be, and you didn’t failJust hang in there.

Your family never gave up on you. No matter how much you pushed them away, they didn’t go anywhere. They kept on fighting for you to get all the help and support you needed. Whether that meant taking you to the doctors, counselling or even meeting with your local MP. They fought

for you, when you couldn’t fight for yourself.

Ignore what that teacher in sixth form will say to you, you won’t fail. You will pass nearly every exam you take and graduate university with a first-class honors degree. You will do that by working your butt off. Even with those days where you struggle to do anything.

You will start taking antidepressants. Don’t be scared of them. People will judge you for relying on medication. Don’t be ashamed, be proud that you got the help that was right for you. After a few weeks, they’ll help to clear your mind. They will save you.

Things with your family will get harder and worse. Don’t take a side, even when you feel like you’re being pulled apart. Set your boundaries and stick to them. It will eventually get easier. Your parents will never be best friends, but they do act politely now. And don’t worry, they won’t ruin your graduation day!

Just stick with it. Things will get so much better. You’ll no longer feel like you’re just surviving, you are living fully and doing things you could never have dreamt of. It will take a little while, but you’ll get there. Trust me.

Love from,

An older and wise Hannah.

P.S. Don’t try to copy Ellie Goulding when she gets an undercut because you will look like an absolute plonker.

Let me know what you think?