As you all probably know, I was recently left completely heartbroken. After almost three years together, I was dumped out of the blue (well, it wasn’t out of the blue for him). And it felt like my heart had fallen out of my arse.
When it initially happened, I didn’t know how I was going to survive. Who doesn’t love a bit of melodrama?? In all honestly, I didn’t know how to deal with it. As one of the first times I’ve ever experienced heartbreak, I didn’t really know what to do.
But obviously, I am surviving. I’m feeling a little bit less heartbroken and sad. It’s taking a while, and I’m still working on it, but things are getting easier. Heartbreak is a bloody bitch, but here are things that are helping me on my way.
Related Post: How I’m Dealing With Feeling Lost In Life
Time To Mourn
Sounds like even more melodrama, right? But there is some logic and reason lurking behind that striking little statement.
When you think about it you have lost someone – a person who was a big part of your life. That one person who shared the majority of your current life with and were building a future with.
In that sense, it is pretty similar to mourning. Give yourself the time to do that. Wallow in the sadness, for a little while anyway. You need to come to terms with it. Understand your feelings and embrace them. It is a chance to throw away the ‘brave face’ and just feel like shit.
Don’t stay in the sadness for too long because you’ll just end up torturing yourself and causing even more heartbreak. However, you do need to give yourself that time to embrace the sadness of what has happened.
Surround Yourself With Love
I don’t mean getting back on Tinder to find your next fling. Do people still use Tinder? Or is all about Bumble or Hinge now? Someone educate me please, I’ve been out of the game for a while. Anyways, if that is what works for you, then you do you boo.
When you’re going through heartbreak, you can feel as though you will never be able to love anyone again. Yep, back again with the melodrama because sometimes life calls for being a drama queen.
It will probably take time before you can consider diving back into the dating game. However, your life is full of different types of life that are just as fulfilling and can make you just as happy. Don’t shy away from those other types of love!
From pets and friends, to family and self-love – you are surrounded by love. So wrap yourself up in that cosy cocoon of love. Embrace all the love in your life. Love yourself and others. Remember how incredible it can be feel loved, and to love. Soak it all up because you are worthy of it all.
Focus On Your Passion
This was what helped me the most when I was heartbroken (and still is). Just before I was dumped, I had signed up for Vix Meldrew’s Grow & Glow on a whim. I’d been considering throwing myself back into blogging. However, having my heart broken gave me a kick up my arse so I took a great, big leap back into the world of blogging.
Do the same thing – throw yourself into something you love, whatever that is!
If you haven’t got that passion project yet, then discover something new. It can be anything – blogging, knitting, learning a new language, joining a book club.
Just find something that you can jump into. Something which you love and are passionate about. Apart from distracting you from texting your ex for the hundredth time, it can just make you feel happier. Doing something you enjoy is simple but it can be a miracle worker.
Whatever it is, find something that you love. And do it, just because you love it!
Find Your Anthem
We all know that music has the power of healing (sounding like a total hippy but we’ll roll with it) .
There is no feeling like finding that song. The one song which is so relatable and relevant that it feels like it was written just for you. I always seem to have song like this – one which is perfect for my life at that particular moment.
Find your song. A song that can help you deal with your heartbreak. Whether it’s super heavy with lyrics that reflect your anger. A heart-wrenching and sad breakup song. Or, my personal favourite, a feel-good anthem that makes you feel like the goddess you are.
If you’re struggling to find the words, a song can do it for you. Discover the song that represents everything you feel or need to hear and stick it on repeat. In the shower, whilst you’re driving or whenever you’re feeling sad. Put on your anthem and have a bloody good solo karaoke session.
The song that is getting me through my heartbreak? Anything by Lizzo but especially Good As Hell. I mean what is better than Queen Lizzo telling you to love yourself and how fabulous you are.
If you’re struggling to find one, I created a heartbreak playlist with a whole mixture of breakup songs suggested by other people! So you can listen to that here and maybe discover the song that will help you.
Have Fun & Forget Heartbreak
You don’t have to go out and get absolutely plastered. Although, I totally understand if that is what you do want to do. We all definitely fancy a drink when we’ve been dumped.
If you do that, look after yourself. Don’t do anything that could negatively impact your wellbeing. I totally sound like your mum, but whatever.
Heal your heartbreak by getting out and having fun. It can be really difficult to get out because all you want to do is wallow in the sadness. And like I said, do that for a bit but you can’t forever. You have a wonderful, fulfilling life to live.
Meet up with your friends for a gossip over coffee (or tea because coffee sucks). Indulge yourself with a fresh set of nails or fancy new haircut. Go for dinner with your family. Or just take a walk in the nature – preferably with a dog because there is no better company.
Just get out the house and have some fun. Remind yourself that your life didn’t revolve around that one person. You have so many exciting adventures to have and things to experience.
Get It Off Your Chest
Anyone else love to bottle up their feelings? And then ends up exploding? Let’s try not to do that this time, or ever. Don’t keep your feelings to yourself, you need to get it all off your chest.
Find a way to express your feelings. If you are just a bit petty (like me), then send them a message telling them how you feel. However, you just could write a letter and burn it, or talk to your friends and family.
Get your feelings into the open, however that is. Be fully aware of how you feel about this situation. Whatever the feelings are – sadness, anger, disappointment, relief. Know how you feel so you can move on from the heartbreak.
Cut Yourself Off
After however-long together that person became part of your support system, daily life and your general exist. A breakup means that they aren’t anymore and that can be adjustment.
Maybe you are totally mature and can just become friends instantly, but most of us aren’t. So you need to protect your broken heart by cutting them out of your life. It might not be forever, but definitely for now.
Don’t torture yourself by keeping them close – physically, digitally or mentally. We all do it, but don’t keep torturing yourself with their Instagram or old messages. Delete, unfollow and say goodbye.
Let’s not even get started on how hard it was for me to say goodbye to the Netflix account!
You need to put some distance between the two of you. It will hurt your heart when you do it, but it’ll hurt even more if you don’t. Give yourself that clean break so you have the headspace to move on and protect your heart.
Your Heart Will Heal
Right now, you’re probably feeling like utter crap and fair enough. Even the most mutual of breakups aren’t a walk in the park. Let yourself feel it for a while, then use these tools to help yourself.
Eventually you will feel better. It could be tomorrow, or even in six months. You’ll get there though! It takes time to heal and there is nothing wrong with that. So take your time, do the things that make you happy. Now is the time to focus on you and do things for you.
Let’s start a discussion in the comments. Share with each other the things that helped you. Tell me what got you through a breakup. Let’s all help each other.