I always feel slightly inferior to everyone.
A conversation with some friends recently made me realise this. After chatting normally with them, I came away with the feeling of all the air leaving a balloon. I was really bloody deflated. They’d be mortified to know this but I felt so mediocre compared them after hanging out. But it wasn’t just them. I realised that there is permanently a part of me which feels less than worthy.
It’s one of my greatest flaws. It probably has something to do with my overactive brain; which is continually overthinking. Constantly comparing myself to everyone else. Adding to my never-ending and forever-growing list of ‘things people are better at’.
In every single aspect of my life, I always feel shitter than everyone else. It can be silly things like my hair never has perfectly tousled beach waves or I never get through my ‘To Be Read’ list. However, most of the it’s the important things. My writing style and blog don’t seem to match up to others. I feel like I’m not progressing or doing enough at work. My bucketlist hasn’t been ticked off enough. There is always someone better, prettier, funnier or smarter than me.
Most of the time, it feels as though I’m losing a race. That I’m the one at the back who is panting, sweating and desperately trying to keep up. But is there even a race? Logically, I know the answer is no. It’s just something I’ve created to beat myself up about.
Obviously, there are people who are better than me. Will I develop a sudden, overwhelming brilliant grasp of maths? Probably not. Am I ever going to have beachy blonde hair and tanned legs for miles? Not without the help of buckets of bleach and a leg stretching machine. Can I tick off all the destinations I dream of in a year? That’s laughable, unless I win the lottery.
There are just somethings that aren’t for me. That’s ok. We can’t have everything or be everything. And even if I’m not the best at the things I enjoy – writing, social media, reading – that’s ok too. There is nothing wrong with being average. We can’t all be destined for glory. That doesn’t mean we aren’t as worthy.
So I might not have the writing skills of Margaret Atwood or be a blogging sensation. Maybe I will never reach my goal of reading 50 books in a year. My career might not ever be super successful. The thing that really matters? Truly enjoying it.
Life isn’t about being the best at everything. It’s about enjoying every single moment. Whether you are gifted beyond belief, the most gorgeous human on the planet or successful at everything, or just simply average, it doesn’t matter. As long as you love what you do and love yourself, then who nobody is better than you.
Nobody can make you feel inferior if you don’t let them.